It has yet to be proven that intelligence has any survival value.

Being in the army is like being in the Boy Scouts, except that the Boy Scouts have adult supervision.

I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.

He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask remains a fool forever.

Old age is not so bad when you consider the alternatives.

Every day, in every way, I am getting better and better.

I believe in getting into hot water; it keeps you clean.

In a country as big as the United States, you can find fifty examples of anything.

The problem with political jokes is they get elected.

As an adolescent I aspired to lasting fame, I craved factual certainty, and I thirsted for a meaningful vision of human life - so I became a scientist. This is like becoming an archbishop so you can meet girls.